I have decided to ban some of our regular users. This comes mostly from a discussion that was held in the lobby where things spiraled beyond basic name calling and into straight up harassment. We have many rules for the chat rooms here, and am I most disappointed in the regs that have been around our site for a long time, as they know that we have rules, and they know most of them. They also know how to use the features of our chat rooms and how to use the block button.
Going over some recent chat logs I can see clearly that some of our regular users ignored the use of the block button in a situation that certainly warranted it. They also ignored our rules for ongoing arguments in the lobby, and harassment among others. We expect people to keep name calling and threats out of the lobby, and most who have used our chat system a few times should know this.
This decisions was not easy to make, and it took much longer that it should.
One of the reasons the decision was not easy to make is that there were several stories from several people about what happened and why. Pouring over chat logs and trying to determine what was over the line and what was not in this situation was difficult, as there were many people involved. All these chat logs and opinions were sent in at a time when we were super busy with server code change overs and paperwork that could not be delayed, so I could not determine for sure the best course of actions to take and with who in a timely manner. For this taking so long, I apologize.
Part of me wanted to post snippets of the chat that caught my attention and made me lean towards making these decisions, and part of me wanted to call out the names of those who were banned due to this recent issue, but I will leave all that out at this time. I had to read these chat logs several times, and ask others to give me opinions on what was said, and how it would be viewed by others before I could decide on this.
I tried to give some the benefit of the doubt, I tried to say to myself (and others) that one statement made could be construed as meaning something horrific and sexually abusive, yet the same statement in it’s intent may have been a type of slang that was meant more as a joke and less of truly disgusting statement. In the end, those little benefits of the doubt and trying to decipher what was intended and how it was perceived by others did not matter, as the banning issue is not hinging on one statement.
Instead the decision to ban these people is based more on the overall tone, the refusal to use the block button, and the fact that they have had other discussions in the lobby that either crossed some lines or came close to that. Most of these users have been warned about things in the past, and I am sure that all of them have been around enough to know that we strongly discourage flaming or fanning the flames of an argument in the lobby. I have taken to the time watch some of the public interactions of these users, and I know there have been other occasions when their discussions were not appropriate for the lobby.
I apologize to the others people who were in the room and say these statements made, it makes me sad and a little sick to my stomach that a few of our regular users who should know better decided to say some of the things that were said in the room about a week ago. I debated this situation with several different people, and considered permanently banning all of those who were involved. I can say that anyone who is not banned over this situation, and yet was a part of it, even in a small way will not find themselves on any kind of future un-ban list should they cross similar lines in the future.
We do not want arguments in the lobby, every user has the ability to use the block button. There are many other ways to debate issues rather than clogging up the lobby chat area with a bunch of drama. Harassment is taken seriously, even if you harass with slight bit of humor and jest. These things are clearly stated on our rules page.
As has been brought up several times around here before, you need to be aware of the statements you make, and how others may perceive them. You might be thinking one thing with a “jk lol” in your head, while others may see your plain text statement in a completely different way. Jumping into an argument to defend one of your friends is not the best method for getting along and having a good chat environment for all the other users. The best thing to do is to encourage your friend to click the iggy button and make someone you do not want to hear disappear. Had our long time regular users taken that advice, they would not be banned.
If you are one of these regs that has had a ban notice placed, this is your official permanent ban notice.
~ Nash
i was banned sat, oct.3,2015 ar around 11’00pm
ilike this chat site made friends dont know why i was banned
please let me back on
thank you mr nash
@newka – did you get the comment reply on your first post here -> http://www.sexchatsexchat.com/blog/moderator-complaints/#comment-44078 ?
Dear Nash,
I was there the day this actually happened, I am not sure as to why I am not on the banlist but I am sure I will be after this.
The person claiming to have been abused started reacting sensitive to the most normal of site actions, like a smack on the bum, she was immediately screaming rape in not so many words. Now that in itself was a severe reaction for someone who has come to a sexchat, it did, however not stop there, she started aggravating and attacking people on a personal level and as people were thinking she must have been joking around, it got worse. I served her a piece of my mind when she started calling me a coward for not standing up for her but protecting one of the regs. If you go and have a look at your chatlog you will actually see that at some stage I told this particular reg that something that was said was uncalled for.
The person in question continued to get stuck into me and I fired back, another reg said something derogatory, I do admit but that set her to become completely unreasonable and actually using the word rape in a sense like she was really being violated.
At that point, a few regs were already joking around about it all and so they should have because this person’s reactions were over the top and provoking more reactions from others. Now, in saying all that, I started aggravating her to begin with, my words angered her and caused her to spin out of control.
I may be a lot of things, but what I am not is someone who does not take responsibility for what he does .. so please ban me and give the other regs another chance, I implore you.
I appreciate you offering to take responsibility for this Desdichado. I am not sure if you are on the to be banned list or not, and I am not sure that a decision has been made one way or another on some of the others at this point. Some decisions have been made to ban certain people based on discussions, and some are still up in the air as to whether or not they will also be banned. I waiting for some additional information.
I might agree that some of the reaction was over the top, however I think we also need to agree that different people from different places, with different histories will react differently to different things. I am not saying that that excuses any behavior that is in violation of our rules and policies, so we are still reviewing some of the things that were said on all sides, and will continue to deliberate.
It is indeed situation like this that spiral out of control that had caused us to create some of our rules in the past. All of this would of been avoided if those who were there had followed our rules about ongoing arguments, drama, and fanning the flames. Use of the block button, or taking it to a user created room would of changed many things. However several of those people there decided not to heed our constant advice and long known policies. So the multiple bans will stay, and more may follow.
Dear Nash,
The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. If the people on that list are the people I am thinking will be on there a huge part of the lobby crew will be gone and I do not believe your chat will ever be the same.
Granted, some should probably have known better, some probably not. It does not take away from the fact that people make mistakes and can be remorseful for such. In lieue of the commonplace sobriquet, I will remove myself from your website forever if you would consider granting them their rightful spots back with perhaps a promise they will never do it again.
I am not here to argue with you, I am here to offer myself up as the lamb to the slaughter, not because I like to become a martyr but because I realise that it is the right, only and honourable thing to do.
Yours truly, I remain,
Jay aka Desdichado
I appreciate, and I am sure that others also appreciate your offer to trade places Desdichado. However during our moderator discussions other brought up something similar to “part of the lobby crew will be gone and I do not believe your chat will ever be the same. ” – I wholeheartedly agree, and I think that is a good thing for our community. Less drama will create more space for others who have been too timid to chime in the main conversation area of the sex chat lobby, and I am looking forward to that.
Dear Nash,
As said, I am not here to argue, I understand what you are saying. It is a sad day for many but life goes on. I tried at least alas to no avail.
Take care Nash